


You didn’t mean to message me but

by Bersenev



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Online Friendship, Slow Burn, Wrong number
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 07:29:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17914484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bersenev/pseuds/Bersenev
Summary: When some girls from jazz band give Evan a phone number that is supposed to be Zoe's, Evan is sure that nothing good will come out of it.At least until the person he messages instead proves him wrong.





	You didn’t mean to message me but

When Evan came back to school on the first day after his summer vacation he didn’t think that anything would be different that year, except for the cast on his arm.  
  
He was right.  
  
Jared was sick for the whole first week, because he had caught a summer flu and then decided keep acting sick for a few days to not have to deal with the boring beginning of the year classes. Evan thought that he was probably just nervous about going back later than everyone else and drawing unwanted attention to himself, but he didn’t comment.  
  
Alana Beck talked to him a few times to tell him about the volunteer work she did over the summer and other such things and also handed some articles on broken bones and how to properly treat them to him. He appreciated the effort, even though he wouldn’t ever read the articles because then he’d freak out about whether or not what he was doing was right and whether to trust his doctor and surgeon or articles from the internet.  
  
Zoe Murphy went past him a few times, which might count as an interaction in a way if you really stretched the meaning of the word interaction.  
  
Other than that the first week of school and then the first month and then some more time passed quietly and quickly. Nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
_This isn’t gonna be an amazing week or year because why would it be?_ _  
__  
_ The words still rung loud in his ears despite the fact that he had deleted the letter shortly after writing it. The ink of the printer in the computer lab had to be refilled effectively stopping Evan from printing anything. He hadn’t wanted to save it on a school computer or anything like that and after a moment he just decided to delete it since it wouldn’t do him any good in therapy anyway.  
  
He still remembered everything he had written.  
  
Maybe if he didn’t this particular day would have gone differently and right now Evan would give everything for that.  
  
The day had started out normal enough. He had just gotten his cast off last week and today was the day of the first jazz-band concert of the year, which Evan of course attended.  
  
Today, he had vowed to himself, was the day he would talk to Zoe Murphy. No sweaty hands, no stuttering, he would finally do this.  
  
Just that he didn’t. He watched the concert and he watched Zoe and he was reminded of the fact that she was so far out of his league he might as well not even exist at all because it wouldn’t change a thing about his chances of getting together with her.  
  
Not that he really knew a lot about her, as in the real her. He knew a lot about the person the appeared to be, but he didn’t know a lot about who she was on the inside or even who she was on a daily basis outside of school.  
  
So he probably would chicken out again and just not talk to her, even though he’d already gotten up and walked towards the back of the stage where a few of the band members were already leaving.  
  
He could still turn away, act as if he hadn’t been there or something. He could look at his phone as if he had gotten a text and wasn’t able to wait for whoever he came for.  
  
“Hey you! You’ve been at our last few concerts too right?“ A voice said behind him.  
  
He couldn’t place the voice but once he turned around way too quickly and panicky he did recognize a few from the girls. One of them played the piano the other two he wasn’t completely sure about but he knew that they played something? Maybe the trumpet? It was a bit embarrassing how little he knew about the rest of the band.  
  
“Yes? I was?“ It sounded like a question but Evan knew for a fact that he hadn’t missed a single concert during the whole time he had crushed on Zoe, but he wasn’t about to say that and honestly he was just extremely nervous and didn’t want to reply at all but that would be worse and he couldn’t really help sounding as if he was questioning his very existence right now.  
  
He didn’t question his existence, he knew that it was probably a cosmic joke just to spite him for some reason.  
  
The girls exchanged a quick look and Evan wondered if one of them was in his Biology class? Or maybe it was English Lit? He didn’t know and honestly he didn’t care too much he just wanted them to leave him alone before Zoe saw them.  
  
But fate really didn’t care about what he wanted and Zoe was a few feet away, looking at their small group with confusion and a frown. Her attention wasn’t on them for long at least, so Evan just hoped that maybe she would forget about this. About him.  
  
He hadn’t noticed that one of the girls had apparently talked to him while he watched Zoe, so when someone waved a hand in front of his face he couldn’t help flinching.  
  
Why did people always have to do that? It was better than being touched, but a lot more embarrassing because everyone could see that hand being waved in front of him and then they’d know that he wasn’t listening to someone and think that he’s an awful person that doesn’t listen to women because he’s some kind of sexist that talks over people all the time and-  
  
“You know, there’s actually a reason we wanted to talk to you! Zoe wanted us to give you her number because she was too nervous to do it herself.“  
  
“She did? Why would she-“ He couldn’t even finish the thought before the girl on the right grabbed his left arm and started scribbling something on it with a pen.  
  
“There! Just remember to message her later, yeah? I bet she’d be super disappointed if you don’t.“  
  
“But I don’t-“  
  
And they were already on their way away from him and there was no way of following them without causing a scene. Well, more of a scene, because he did notice how people kept looking at them and then walking around them quickly.  
  
He waited for another moment, just long enough for everyone that had witnessed the scene to be gone, before he nearly ran towards the nearest toilet and locked himself in a stall to hyperventilate in peace.  
  
This either was a really sick joke or the universe finally decided to make up for everything it did to him so far. Probably a sick joke he should just ignore, but maybe that was his anxiety talking and if he didn’t message the number he might miss his only chance to ever get to know Zoe Murphy.  
  
He’d regret it his whole life if this was real and he screwed it up.  
  
But he’d also regret it his whole life if this was a prank and he fell for it and then his whole high school life would be hell and filled with bullying and everyone would talk about how pathetic he was for ever thinking that Zoe might like him and he’d have to drop out of high school and then his mother would probably hate him for wasting her time and he’d be homeless at 19 and die at 21 from some kind of infection or sickness that wasn’t treated and nobody would be at his funeral.  
  
Which was a ridiculous overreaction, he knew that, but there was a chance of it happening and with his bad luck it might and his vision was hazy and his gasps were kind of echoing in the bathroom stall and that just made it worse because he couldn’t- he couldn’t breath right.  
  
Normally he’d just take his medication now, but of course he was between medication right now, of course he had to discontinue Xanax because his dose was already high and his psychiatrist was worried about a possible addiction if he kept using it and it was only supposed to be a short-term solution anyway so of course he was without any medication right now because he wasn’t allowed to try his new ones while he was still on his current one.  
  
It was just such a bad time for this, he wanted to go home and sleep but he couldn’t because he was about to choke in a bathroom stall at school because he couldn’t even breathe right.  
  
Nearly an hour later and multiple failed attempts at breathing exercises and similar things Evan left the bathroom stall and then school.  
  
He was too exhausted to care and his head hurt from crying even though he couldn’t even remember that he cried and there was a small patch on the inside of his left wrist where he had scratched himself a bit bloody at some point.  
  
All in all he felt horrible.  
  
The school buses already stopped driving and since Evan didn’t have anyone that would come pick him up he anyway he started walking home slowly.  
  
At least his brain was quiet, granting him a brief reprieve from worrying and insulting himself and everything else it usually was filled with. He wasn’t sure if the emptiness was actually good, but he also didn’t care.  
  
He reached his front-door and went inside quietly, noticing the note and money on the counter but not acknowledging it any further. The house was empty, as always and his walk up to his room uninterrupted.  
  
It wasn’t even dark yet, the summer sun still high in the sky, but he couldn’t be bothered to stay up any longer.  
  
He woke up again during the night several times, staying awake long enough to change his clothes and greet his mom when she came back from classes. Then he went back to bad and didn’t wake up again until the next morning.  
  
It was a Saturday and Heidi had to rush to work in the middle of their breakfast, she was needed because of an emergency but when wasn’t she? But that was fine, everything was fine, Evan was fine.  
  
That’s why he messaged Jared and asked if he could come over. Because he was fine and people that felt okay invited over their friends.  
  
The thought actually made Evan smile a bit, just a little.  
  
Saying nothing had changed during the year wasn’t completely accurate, because Jared admitting to being friends Evan was new. They had a fight a while ago when Jared asked Evan to hang out with him so his parents would pay for his car insurance and Evan refused because he didn’t want to do that anymore. They were either real friends or none.  
  
It had taken a few days of sulking and angry looks across the hallway, but eventually Jared walked up to him and apologized and they talked it out. Or at least talked about it as much as two emotionally stunted teenagers could.  
  
They were trying to be better at this whole friend thing and Evan liked to think that it was working okay.  
  
So he didn’t feel horrible about messaging Jared and when he agreed to come over in a while it didn’t even surprise Evan. Maybe a bit, but not as much as it would have before. It felt nearly natural.  
  
Waiting for people was kind of uncomfortable in Evans opinion because you couldn’t really do anything? Starting someone just to be interrupted was annoying so he was just stuck doing small tasks like putting away some dishes to be washed later.  
  
Later, when Evan finally decided what to do with the number on his arm, because the dish soap would probably smudge it or wash it off and if he wore gloves and the water got into them anyway then it would also be ruined so it was just easier to not do the dishes yet.  
  
He could also just write down the number on a paper but just looking at it made him nervous so it would just have to wait.  
  
“So what’s up with you writing me at like 9am on a Saturday morning? Did you actually talk to Zoe yesterday?“  
  
Sometimes Evan forget that Jared actually had a key to his house and could just let himself in. It was always kind of like being in a horror movie before his brain caught up with the situation and realized that it was Jared.  
  
He didn’t get to reply before Jared walked into the kitchen and looked at Evan’s arm in shock, before he quickly grinned to cover it up.  
  
“Does that number mean you talked to her or how did that happen?“ Jared tried to sound joking and upbeat but the tension in his shoulders said otherwise, or at least Evan thought it did.  
  
“No I- Some girls came up to me while I was waiting for Zoe? I actually wanted to leave already, but they said that Zoe wanted them to give me her number? Which doesn’t make sense, right? But they left before I could ask about it more though.“  
  
“So...Do you believe them?“  
  
“Not really? I mean it would be amazing if it was true, but, you know.“ Evan shrugged, trying not to look as hurt as he felt and failing spectacularly if Jareds frown was any indication.  
  
They stood in silence for a moment before Jared nodded and held out his hand with a look of determination.  
  
“I say we just message the number and see what happens. And no, don’t look like that it’s going to be fine. I’ll stay here until we get a reply, okay?“  
  
It was a plan, probably the best they’d come up with and the fact that Jared offered to help made Evan want to go along with it, so he just took out his phone and gave it to Jared before the panic and doubts could set in and stop him.  
  
Jared took his phone with a grin and walked towards the living room, Evan followed him wordlessly and sat down next to him when they arrived at the couch. This was going to be terrible he knew it.  
  
“Okay so-“ Jared unlocked his phone and grabbed Evans arm to type in the number „We should probably write something short without your name in it. That way if it’s not Zoe’s number nobody knows that it was you that wrote them. Sounds good?“  
  
“I guess?“  
“Great!“ Jared said it with a lot more enthusiasm than it deserved but that was fine. For a moment it made Evan feel as if maybe this could be fun, a small adventure in a way.  
  
Evan watched as Jared started typing the message, deleting and rewriting it several times before he seemed satisfied with it and handed the phone back to Evan with a proud smile.  
  
“’Hey-“ Evan read out lout, looking at Jared who nodded encouragingly. „Some girls from Jazzband said you wanted them to give me your number. Is that right?’Do you think that’s going to work? What if it’s her number and she doesn’t know who’s writing her?“  
  
Jared huffed out a laugh at that. „How many people do you think she gives her number to by asking other people? If it’s her she’ll know who you are and if it’s not her, then the person we are texting probably never talked to those jazzband girls.“  
  
“So what do we do if it’s not Zoe?“ Evan asked, fidgeting at the hem of his shirt with the hand that wasn’t holding his phone. It felt like it was burning him.  
  
“Then we apologize and never mention this again or we talk to them or something. Bond over being pranked by mean jazzband girls.“  
  
Evan sighed and quickly hit send on the message before putting it on the couch table, out of his immediate reach so he wouldn’t start compulsively checking for a reply.  
  
“So what do we do now?“  
  
“I don’t know. Watch some Netflix and I order us some pizza? Your mom left some money again, right?“  
  
  
It was a few hours later and they were currently in the middle of watching some old school cartoons when the screen of Evans phone lit up with a new message.  
  
He exchanged a look with Jared who immediately dove towards the table and snatched up the phone, unlocking it quickly and reading the message with a frown that told Evan all that he needed to know. It would have been to good to be true anyway. Why would Zoe Murphy ever notice him?  
  
“I’m pretty sure I’ve never even fucking talked to someone from jazzband so no I didn’t fucking ask anyone to give you my number. Maybe try to be a bit more creative with your pranks next time asshole.“ Jared read out loud, his tone confused and yet also somewhat amused.  
  
“They think we’re trying to prank them?“ Evan asked and Jared just shrugged at him.  
  
“Apparently. Want to clear that up? They don’t know who you are so we could just leave it.“  
  
That didn’t feel right. Sure, Evan felt like crap and tried hard not to think about the implication of being given a wrong number as a prank and he didn’t really feel like dealing with whoever this was but it still felt wrong to make someone else feel bad as well.  
  
“No- No I think we should probably explain it.“  
  
Jared nodded again and looked at the screen with a small frown, his fingers hovering above the screen hesitantly.  
  
“Do you want me to describe the entire situation? Without names of course.“  
  
“I mean it probably doesn’t make sense otherwise? Here let me-“ Evan took the phone from Jared, his hands only shaking a bit.  
  
“How about ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to prank you-“ He looked at Jared and started talking again once he had nodded in confirmation. „I think that it was probably me that got pranked. They said a girl I like asked them to, so I’m sorry for dragging you into this.’ Does that work?“  
  
“You said sorry two times but it works.“ Jared shrugged again and Evan felt like they’ve been doing that a lot today. Then again it was a situation that warranted a lot of shrugging if not a lot of panic. Forced calmness.  
  
He hit send again and that was it. The other person probably wouldn’t reply again and Evan would just act as if this never happened.  
  
The thing was just that the universe didn’t let Evan be right, not if it could help it.  
  
It took no time at all for his screen to light up again and this time it was Evan that grabbed it in a haste. Jared raised a single eyebrow, something that still felt weird to Evan in the way that he couldn’t move his eyebrows independently from another and seeing it on Jared always made him want to try it and see if maybe he could suddenly do it too.  
  
Stalling, that’s what he was doing by thinking about that again and he knew it, but looking at the new message was a daunting task. One he felt pressured to do when Jared prodded him with his elbow while looking at Evans phone with the same raised eyebrow.  
  
Ignoring it wasn’t an option now, so Evan opened the messenger again and started reading the reply out loud, while a smile slowly formed on his face.  
  
“Well that’s just the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard, considering that I’m not even a girl. Also it’s not your fault they decided to make both of us part of their shitty prank. Honestly, I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of it working so fuck it. You didn’t mean to message me but I got nothing else to do so if you want to we could talk anyway.“  
  
“I didn’t expect this-“ Jared started, looking a bit flabbergasted „-but this is good, right? You look as if it’s a good thing.“  
  
“I think it’s a good thing.“ Evan agrees, already typing out his reply.  
  
“I’d like that actually. I kind of got really nervous about the possibility of it being a prank but now I’m kind of glad I messaged you and not her. It’s a lot less embarrassing? Anyway, do you watch those Marvel shows on Netflix? Because if yes we could talk about those?“  
  
Jared was reading what he wrote over his shoulder, shaking his head with a smile but not commenting outside of that, which Evan took as a good sign.  
  
They kept watching shows together afterwards, while also replying to the mystery person occasionally. Sometimes Jared would point out spelling mistakes, knowing that sending messages with typos could make Evan nervous and other times he insisted that Evan mentioned his opinion on a show as well.  
  
At ten pm Jared decided to go home, even though he offered Evan that he could stay if he „needed a wing-man“, which Evan declined laughing, but not without awkwardly thanking Jared for his help, who accepted the thanks with just as much grace.  
  
For once the awkwardness didn’t matter to Evan.  
  
He kept talking to the mystery person until late in the night and then the next day, and then the following week and month.  
  
They didn’t message each other daily. Sometimes the person would be gone for a day or two, even if he usually announced it beforehand so he wouldn’t scare Evan like he did the first time it happened. Sometimes Evan would be so overwhelmed that he just couldn’t make himself talk to anyone, they decided on an emoji Evan could send on days like that.  
  
The days they didn’t talk never felt quite as complete as the once they did talk to Evan, so before he knew it they were talking to each other more and more.  
  
He also found out that the person was male, a few months older than Evan and in the same grade as him as well as visiting the same school. Evan didn’t know if he was happy about the last part of just extremely worried. The thought of the person knowing or finding out who he was was daunting.  
  
What if he would stop talking to Evan if he knew who he was?  
  
It seemed unlikely but then again so did being able like Evan.  
  
Evan wasn’t popular or charismatic. He was the kind of person popular girls pulled pranks on because they found his crush on Zoe embarrassing. At least that’s what he thinks the reason was, he couldn’t be sure really.  
  
They had actually asked him about it during school the Monday after the concert.  
  
“So, did you call her?“ They tried to make it sound innocent but Evan could see that they were trying hard not to laugh.  
  
_I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of it working_ _  
__  
_ Evan didn’t either, so he smiled at them as sincerely as he could.  
  
“I- Yeah, I did actually message the number. It’s not Zoe- obviously, but the person and I- we’ve actually been getting along great, so thanks for the number. Maybe- Maybe try a less obvious prank next time though?“ He tried making his voice as disgustingly sweet as he could despite the fact that his heart was racing from nerves.  
  
After saying his piece he walked away, not waiting to see how they all reacted. It wasn’t the smoothest come back but he still felt just a tiny bit proud for standing up to them in some way. It wasn’t anything big, but he looked forward to telling the person about it later. Maybe doing that would help with the feeling of dread speaking his mind out loud usually resulted in too.  
  
A few lockers away from the girls Evan nearly ran into a boy with long hair. He apologized for it immediately, the nervousness from the conversation before making him panic more easily, but the boy just looked at him in bewilderment before walking away with a small shake of his head and a „No problem.“  
  
Evan felt like he knew him, until he remembered that of course he did. He was pretty sure that he had just run into Zoe’s brother Connor. They haven’t ever really interacted before, so outside of worrying about how rude running into someone is Evan didn’t pay any more attention to the event.  
  
Running into people and then apologizing ten times was the exact kind of thing that made Evan hope that the person he was messaging never found out who he was. What if he ran into him right after he found out who Evan was and just started disliking him because he was even more of a nervous mess in real life than he was in text messages?  
  
He’d probably find it annoying and ridiculous and then he’d stop talking to Evan and it would be horrible because Evan really liked talking to him. He felt like he knew him, actually knew him.  
  
It wasn’t like it had been with Zoe where all Evan knew where appearances.  
  
Evan knew about his problems at home and at school and which superhero he liked as a child and what book he was reading at any given time and his opinions on them and just so many other things. Evan knew that he wasn’t a happy person and that he has been getting better lately because he was finally able to go to therapy now because his parents said he could do what he wanted when he turned 18 which he apparently did a while ago. Evan knew that he just tried his first medication and felt sick for days until the side effects got better and also that he was a lot more comfortable with talking about things like this than Evan.  
  
It made Evan want to confide in him too and he did. Being able to talk about it without feeling ashamed and knowing that the other person got it and didn’t pity him was amazing.  
  
He was amazing.  
  
And okay so maybe Evan kind of developed a small crush on him and maybe it stopped being a small crush when Evan found out that he was gay, which meant that maybe Evan might have a tiny chance, but that didn’t matter.  
  
What mattered was that there was no way in hell Evan would ever want to ruin this.  
  
So that’s why he couldn’t find out who Evan was.  
  
Keeping his identity secret seemed to work perfectly fine anyway. They never talked about it but it seemed to be a silent agreement that they wouldn’t ask for each others name.  
  
Evan came close one time while they were watching old superhero cartoons they liked as children. They had found a video sharing website that allowed them to watch things together online while chatting at the same time and they used it a lot, sometimes with Jared joining them.  
  
On that evening nothing was really different but he made some kind of really stupid knock knock joke in reference to a scene and Evan couldn’t even remember the specifics but in that moment he just wanted to ask who he was so badly, where he has been all his life until now.  
  
It wasn’t fair that they were so close and yet Evan couldn’t see what kind of face he made while he typed that joke. It wasn’t fair that Evan couldn’t hear whether he laughed at his own jokes or not or if he would smile when Evan laughed. It wasn’t fair that Evan didn’t know what expression he made when he was happy or if he had dimples or anything else.  
  
And he could have asked that evening, had wanted to ask but he couldn’t.  
  
So they kept watching cartoons and making jokes and commenting about the bad plot of most episodes and argued about which Spiderman cartoon was the best and it had been nice but Evan couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it wasn’t quite enough.  
  
  
It was already autumn the next time Evan seriously considered asking who the person was, but it was for a completely reason this time.  
  
Connor Murphy and he had somehow kept crossing paths at school. Not in any special way, just the normal way. They had a class together and sometimes got assigned to work on exercises together. After that they sometimes nodded at each other in the hallway.  
  
Alana would probably say that they were acquaintances and for once Evan felt like the word probably fit.  
  
At least he did until one day Evan was walking into school while texting the person and came by Connors locker. He didn’t know that it was there and he hadn’t meant to eavesdrop when he saw that Connor was talking to Zoe. Or rather Zoe was talking to Connor while Connor smiled at his phone. Something about the situation just made him stop dead in his tracks and pay attention to the scene.  
  
“Honestly Connor, just ask him who he is already. You’ve been practically glued to your phone for months now.“ Zoe sounded frustrated, but not unkind.  
  
Connor just rolled his eyes without looking up from his phone at first. He seemed to type something and only looked up once he had put his phone away.  
  
“I already told you I can’t. I have a suspicion who he might be and if I’m right he probably wouldn’t like me. I don’t want to fuck this up.“ He wasn’t speaking particularly loud so Evan had to listen closely to actually hear all of it. Listening closely, however, had the uncomfortable side effect that it wasn’t very subtle, so when Connors eyes fell onto Evan he was ready to die from shame and embarrassment.  
  
He didn’t expect Connor to flush slightly as well and then walk away after mumbling something to Zoe without confronting Evan about the eavesdropping.  
  
Evan blinked in bewilderment a few times before his gaze fell back on his mobile, which he was still holding in front of him. There was a new message from the person that arrived just a moment ago. Probably about the same time Connor had put his phone away.  
  
It could be nothing, Evan thinks as he makes his way towards his own locker. It could also be something.  
  
Connor being the person would make sense, at least as far as Evan could tell. He knew that the person had a sister that he has been getting along with better lately and he knew that Connor and Zoe talked during school sometimes now, he even saw Connor at the last jazzband concert.  
  
He knew that the person didn’t like the last book they had to read for class and Connor complained about the same thing when they were in the same group during an exercise.  
  
They also both said fuck a lot and missed school a lot but had been showing up more lately and both painted their nails black and liked the same bands if the pins on Connors bag weren’t just random.  
  
His locker door was being closed in front of his face and Evan slowly blinked before turning his head to look at Jared who was eyeing him with concern.  
  
“I think Connor is the person I’ve been messaging.“ He just blurted it out, not really thinking about it.  
  
“Okay? So, what’s the problem?“ Jared frowned at him now, the way he did when Evan talked about something like how vegetables weren’t meant to be mixed on the plate.  
  
“That’s- I’m- I’m not sure? I think I just don’t know what to do and it’s freaking me out?“  
  
“Well, you better think fast then because he’s currently walking towards us.“ Jared said while waving at someone behind Evan smiling.  
  
“I’ll leave you two alone for now, just try not to freak out too much and tell me how it went later.“ He briefly put his hand on Evans shoulder before he walked away into the opposite direction from Connor, who was pretty much standing in front of Evan at this point.  
  
Connor was shifting from one leg to the other and he was picking at his nail polish a bit, but Evan didn’t think that he was aware of the fact that he did either of that. They probably looked a bit ridiculous, both fidgeting while avoiding looking each other in the eyes.  
  
“So... You heard my conversation with Zoe, right?“ Evan knew that Connor was trying to sound relaxed but he failed at it spectacularly, which was good, because so would Evan and that meant he didn’t have to feel too bad about it.  
  
“I kind of did? But I didn’t- I don’t agree with it.“ Connor was looking at him now, a bit panicked and it made Evan speak before thinking just to stop him from looking like that.  
  
„With the part about not liking you I mean! Because I do like you! At least if you meant me, because otherwise this is going to be very embarrassing? Like confessing a kind of crush to the wrong person would be very awkward, so- what I meant to say is-“ Shit. What he meant to say was shit, because he didn’t mean to say the part about the crush. He closed his eyes tightly for a moment, waiting for the inevitable rejection but nothing happened.  
  
When he opened his eyes again Connor was starring at him smiling.  
  
“I’m guessing you didn’t mean to say that?“ He didn’t sound as if he was about to yell at Evan or end their friendship or tell him that he didn’t know what he was talking about.  
  
“Not really, no.“ Evan admitted, trying to smile but probably only managing to look horribly nervous.  
  
“Did you uhm... Did you mean it?“  
  
“Yes! I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t joke about that.“ He hadn’t meant to say that as loudly as he did, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care about the people that were looking at him because Connor was smiling at him so brightly and happily and-  
  
“Well, I’m glad you mean it because otherwise I’d feel really fucking stupid right now, considering that I wanted to tell you the same thing for a while now.“  
  
“What?“ It was a stupid question. Evan knew what Connor just said it just didn’t make sense. Why would he-  
  
“I’m saying that I like you too.“ Connor was still smiling at him and Evan remembers wondering what the persons smile looked like and now he knew and it was perfect.  
  
“You do?“  
  
“Yep.“ He popped the p and Evan didn’t know he did that and now he knew and it made him smile back at Connor who had started swaying on his feet self-consciously again, but he hadn’t stopped smiling and Evan could kiss him right now if they weren’t still standing in a crowded hallway in front of his locker.  
  
That didn’t mean he couldn’t take out his phone and write it. For a moment Connor looked confused when Evan just took out his phone, but when his own phone alerted him to the new message he seemed to catch on and quickly looked at it.  
  
The small laugh Connor let out was already enough to make up for all the anxiety and awkwardness of the day.  
  
But Evan wouldn’t complain about the kiss later when they had some privacy either.

  
  
Maybe it was going to be a good year after all.

**Author's Note:**

> It's 4am I just wrote this in one sitting and really need to edit this later but first... sleep.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this anyway tho


End file.
